Just got back from branch group tonight which was on purity after mine and Carolyn’s sermon on lust on Sunday!
We broke into girls and guys for prayer and deeper discussion and in the girlies there were two of us in our first year of marriage, a 70 yr old single lady, a 30 yr old single woman and three early twenties girls dating young Christian guys.
The three dating girls were all sharing their struggles to stay pure and I found it so hard to stop gushing and talking and giving all my top tips and encouragement and just wanting to pour into them all the wisdom (?) , grace and experience God has given me. Honestly! Why can’t I hold my tongue sometines?! I just texted the girls and apologised for going on….
I know I am an external processor and I have a tendency to talk too much in a setting I feel at home in – but tonight was particularly bad – I guess it’s something I’m really passionate about.
When I first started going to church back in June 1999 (wow almost ten years ago!) I was living with a guy and our relationship was pretty worldly. I’d never really been a huge hit with guys in my teenage years and my relationship with this guy was in its second year and I felt like I had really arrived! So as I went through Alpha and got to know Jesus and listened to our church going through the sermon on the mount, I realised that if I was going to commit to Christ – thre were serious lifestyle issues that would have to change. By God’s grace, the decision to stop sleeping with my boyfriend was taken out of my hands as he broke off the relationship in the winter of ‘99. I had spent a long time of my teenage years feeling like the freak who wasn’t having any of the sexual escapades my friends were having, so the prospect of going back to that was scary and daunting…. but I wanted a relationship with Jesus – so I gave my life to him – with my sex life very much a huge part of what I felt I was honouring him with and giving to him. I prayed a ‘I give you my life but please find me a Christian guy quickly or keep me away from boys who’ll take the mick’ kind of prayer.
I think that is why I get so passionate about purity in this area. It was a HUGE deal to me to give it up for Jesus and to stay pure till my wedding night – which came a little over 8 years later. When Mark and I started dating – and with him only recently having come back to faith, I was almost militant in my laying out of boundaries early on (’don’t touch what you don’t have’)…and worried that I might mess up and how crushed I would be – especially as in my mind – it was the first big promise I’d made to Jesus. Yes – I KNOW his grace would have forgiven me and I know the theology – but I wanted every moment with Mark to be blessed – not something the enemy could use to bring shame.
Thankfully, my husband showed a strength, self-control and an honouring maturity in Christ way beyond his time back in relationship with Him. I never once had to stop him, or say ‘no’ or put the brakes on. He always took the lead and never tried it on more than the boundaries we had agreed. Yes there were times it was frustrating and like this stage would never end – but it was a precious time too.
I recognise that Mark and I were in our thirties (actually – I was in my thirties…Mark was 28) and therefore didn’t hang about to get married – four months as friends then from first date to wedding day – about 13 months – so it’s prob easy for me to gush about how it’s totally possible to stay pure. And I also think that 7 years of singleness did much for me to prepare and ponder my boundaries before they had a chance to be put into practise.
I also recognise, reading some sites on the internet – that some Christians would think I wasn’t as pure as I could’ve been (the ‘I’m not kissing till my wedding day’ brigade). I can see why people might make that decision – but it wasn’t something I felt convicted of – though sometimes, having a kissing ‘fast’ is a good idea if you’re struggling in this area!
Just realising that it was possible and ok to save sex until marriage in this day and age was so freeing for me. Deep in my heart I’d always wanted that I think……even though I had been afraid of giving it up. I long for the single and dating people I know to grasp hold of God’s goodness in this area and to stand firm. I long for it so much – I feel like I could explode with trying to articulate why….
And that – I think is why I talked so much tonight……..
hmmmmm…..
ps the pic is a sneaky pic of the still-in-progress-a -year-after-the -wedding- photoshopped-wedding-album!
rejuvenated
thoughtful
