Mrs. Robinson’s Blog

So Mark and I have been married for a year!! (and one day now….)

Having spent AGES trying to decide what to do – we ended up on a trip to Oxford for the day. We had a little wander round shops and found the most delicious milkshake in the world EVER – oreo cookie and marshmallow… heaven in a cup.

Then we went to Oxford Castle and did their tour which was nice and touristy – and then a lovely tea/hot choc break – a little more shopping and back to London for yummy dinner in the evening….

Then on Sunday we celebrated the day proper with bucks fizz and crumpets for breakfast – the boy got me a lovely bunch of flowers and we opened our cards and read all the things that people wrote on the wedding day and put in the box for reading today. Was SO lovely to read all these anniversary wishes written on the wedding day…. quite a few predicting baby Robinson would have put in an appearance by now….erm……nope!

Then the in-laws came round with chocolate and we had a nice cup of tea with them before church and pub later on.

The day finished with me falling asleep to the latest 24 episode we got from the Wells’ which we stuck on a little late…and so I had the wierdest dreams about being chased by the FBI and a whole bunch of monsters they had let loose to catch us. Like a wierd Lost, 24, Cloverfield mix – loads of people were being killed and the world had gone to hell in a handbasket and we were hiding from these monsters in rooms underground just off tube tunnels.

My subconscious – always wierd….

Just got back from branch group tonight which was on purity after mine and Carolyn’s sermon on lust on Sunday!

We broke into girls and guys for prayer and deeper discussion and in the girlies there were two of us in our first year of marriage, a 70 yr old single lady, a 30 yr old single woman and three early twenties girls dating young Christian guys.

The three dating girls were all sharing their struggles to stay pure and I found it so hard to stop gushing and talking and giving all my top tips and encouragement and just wanting to pour into them all the wisdom (?) , grace and experience God has given me. Honestly! Why can’t I hold my tongue sometines?! I just texted the girls and apologised for going on….

I know I am an external processor and I have a tendency to talk too much in a setting I feel at home in – but tonight was particularly bad – I guess it’s something I’m really passionate about.

When I first started going to church back in June 1999 (wow almost ten years ago!) I was living with a guy and our relationship was pretty worldly. I’d never really been a huge hit with guys in my teenage years and my relationship with this guy was in its second year and I felt like I had really arrived! So as I went through Alpha and got to know Jesus and listened to our church going through the sermon on the mount, I realised that if I was going to commit to Christ – thre were serious lifestyle issues that would have to change. By God’s grace, the decision to stop sleeping with my boyfriend was taken out of my hands as he broke off the relationship in the winter of ‘99. I had spent a long time of my teenage years feeling like the freak who wasn’t having any of the sexual escapades my friends were having, so the prospect of going back to that was scary and daunting…. but I wanted a relationship with Jesus – so I gave my life to him – with my sex life very much a huge part of what I felt I was honouring him with and giving to him. I prayed a ‘I give you my life but please find me a Christian guy quickly or keep me away from boys who’ll take the mick’ kind of prayer.

I think that is why I get so passionate about purity in this area. It was a HUGE deal to me to give it up for Jesus and to stay pure till my wedding night – which came a little over 8 years later. When Mark and I started dating – and with him only recently having come back to faith, I was almost militant in my laying out of boundaries early on (’don’t touch what you don’t have’)…and worried that I might mess up and how crushed I would be – especially as in my mind – it was the first big promise I’d made to Jesus. Yes – I KNOW his grace would have forgiven me and I know the theology – but I wanted every moment with Mark to be blessed – not something the enemy could use to bring shame.

Thankfully, my husband showed a strength, self-control and an honouring maturity in Christ way beyond his time back in relationship with Him. I never once had to stop him, or say ‘no’  or put the brakes on. He always took the lead and never tried it on more than the boundaries we had agreed.  Yes there were times it was frustrating and like this stage would never end – but it was a precious time too.

I recognise that Mark and I were in our thirties (actually – I was in my thirties…Mark was 28) and therefore didn’t hang about to get married – four months as friends then from first date to wedding day  – about 13 months – so it’s prob easy for me to gush about how it’s totally possible to stay pure. And I also think that 7 years of singleness did much for me to prepare and ponder my boundaries before they had a chance to be put into practise.

I also recognise, reading some sites on the internet – that some Christians would think I wasn’t as pure as I could’ve been (the ‘I’m not kissing till my wedding day’ brigade). I can see why people might make that decision – but it wasn’t something I felt convicted of – though sometimes, having a kissing ‘fast’ is a good idea if you’re struggling in this area!

Just realising that it was possible and ok to save sex until marriage in this day and age was so freeing for me. Deep in my heart I’d always wanted that I think……even though I had been afraid of giving it up. I long for the single and dating people I know to grasp hold of God’s goodness in this area and to stand firm. I long for it so much – I feel like I could explode with trying to articulate why….

And that – I think is why I talked so much tonight……..

hmmmmm…..

ps the pic is a sneaky pic of the still-in-progress-a -year-after-the -wedding- photoshopped-wedding-album!

Firstly – it is official that when our laundry basket is empty and all our clothes are clean – we are two hangers short….It has taken me four and a half months of marriage and an impending holiday to realise this fact.

Secondly, my sister sent me this old pic of my mum and dad this week that she got from an old friend of theirs. It’s my dad’s 70th birthday next week and she is compiling a book for him and this pic is to be included.

Ever since I’ve been thinking loads about my mum. She died when I was just 8 and so whenever I see pics of her – I get quite captivated by her. I think this one has done it more than usual as she was probably about my age or younger.In this picture she looks so very glamorous and beautiful.

All I can remember of her is wierd stuff like that she used to curl up on the sofa to watch Emmerdale Farm (in the days when Emmerdale  had a Farm in the title!) I remember she used to wash my hair in the sink and that she used to tell me stories of Miranda the Mermaid at bath time. I can’t remember her voice, I don’t remember any conversations the two of us ever had.

I often wonder if I’m anything like her – if the two of us would have gotten along – laughed at the same stuff, cried at the same stuff. I pick up little bits from my sister or Shirley (my gorgeous God-given second mum!) but somehow it doesn’t make up for not actually knowing her.

I know she loved Jesus. I know she had a faith she clung to in her illness. She was a Catholic and took communion the night she died, apparently saying ‘there are loads of people worse off than me’ when people asked her how she felt.  Apparently when dad asked me shortly after mum died if I was sad – my little 8 year old self said ‘yes, but I know mum’s at a party in heaven’. I believe that still and look forward to the day when I get to see her and know her – both of us the women we were always created to be.

Current mood: jubilant

Here is a link to the video of my lovely Mark asking me to marry him! It includes the video that was shown on screen, shots of the actual proposal and then our thoughts and ‘behind the scenes’ musings!

Hope it makes you feel lilke you were with us…..

Current mood: contemplative

So here’s a thing…..

I’m not a great gambling woman…but the other week we were in Swanage and certain mates of mine had a great time throwing their 2ps with gusto down the chutes to join many other 2ps and hoping that their 2p would be the one to tip the balance and send MANY 2ps hurtling down the chute of happiness into their eager paws….

I have realised something ….in life, well in a certain part of my life…I have been playing on the 2p machine.

It’s a gamble – but a safe one. I could afford to lose, there’s not much risk, if I get more 2ps – great – but if they go – hey no harm done….

Last night I realised somehow I’ve been moved to a higher table – where the stakes are bigger. I don’t know when exactly it happened, but I know that if I lose now – it’s gonna hurt….

That’s a little scary…

But in life – you can’t stay on the 2p machines forever…. You have to play this life and pour your all into it….knowing that there is one who has all the resources you need to restore you if you gamble everything then the cards don’t fall in your favour – for whatever reason.

Still – the hand I’ve been dealt looks pretty good so far…. I think it’s a winner – I hope and pray it will bring all the blessings I’ve dreamt of…..but only time will tell……