Mrs. Robinson’s Blog

Firstly – it is official that when our laundry basket is empty and all our clothes are clean – we are two hangers short….It has taken me four and a half months of marriage and an impending holiday to realise this fact.

Secondly, my sister sent me this old pic of my mum and dad this week that she got from an old friend of theirs. It’s my dad’s 70th birthday next week and she is compiling a book for him and this pic is to be included.

Ever since I’ve been thinking loads about my mum. She died when I was just 8 and so whenever I see pics of her – I get quite captivated by her. I think this one has done it more than usual as she was probably about my age or younger.In this picture she looks so very glamorous and beautiful.

All I can remember of her is wierd stuff like that she used to curl up on the sofa to watch Emmerdale Farm (in the days when Emmerdale  had a Farm in the title!) I remember she used to wash my hair in the sink and that she used to tell me stories of Miranda the Mermaid at bath time. I can’t remember her voice, I don’t remember any conversations the two of us ever had.

I often wonder if I’m anything like her – if the two of us would have gotten along – laughed at the same stuff, cried at the same stuff. I pick up little bits from my sister or Shirley (my gorgeous God-given second mum!) but somehow it doesn’t make up for not actually knowing her.

I know she loved Jesus. I know she had a faith she clung to in her illness. She was a Catholic and took communion the night she died, apparently saying ‘there are loads of people worse off than me’ when people asked her how she felt.  Apparently when dad asked me shortly after mum died if I was sad – my little 8 year old self said ‘yes, but I know mum’s at a party in heaven’. I believe that still and look forward to the day when I get to see her and know her – both of us the women we were always created to be.

This is very cool…..

I’ve been doing a bit of fear bashing this week. And it feels good (though my shoulder muscles are feeling the tension a bit today.)

I got through my non scripted sermon fine in the end. Thanks to two gorgeous American girlies for their encouraging comments from across the pond… It felt really good and I had the most positive feedback I’ve had prob since my first ever sermon! God really is so faithful…

Then yesterday I drove our new car from Welwyn to Acton… (for piccie and info on the new addition to the Robinson household check out irishmark.net)

I passed my driving test at 17 and have never owned my own car - so opportunities to practise have been few and far between. Add to that my notoriously bad sense of direction and I’m not the best when it comes to cars. So to drive for an hour or so was a HUGE deal I had been fretting about for a while. The boy was amazing at leading the way in Beverly (Mark’s brother’s MX5) and I made it the whole way home without major incident!

Hopefully I will be able to crush this car fear once and for all now we have a car. I can drive regularly and parallel parking will no longer make me quiver like He Man’s pet tiger before he got zapped ‘by the power of greyskull’…

 Fear sucks…well – unreasonable fear does anyway. It robs so much in time and experience. I’m sick of being scared of stuff. And the only way to get rid of it is to pray and to face it again and again until it becomes normal and not scary anymore…

 Things I have been scared of in my life:

• sharks and swimming in places there might be sharks… cured when snorkelling in Australia
• spiders -erm…still don’t like ‘em
• the dark… at boarding school you don’t ahve a choice
• catching the bus on my own…a few trips to Barnstaple and I was an old pro
• making phone calls to people I don’t know…erm on tired days this one can still bite me in the ass – but I’m hugely better than I was.
• going to networking/work meetings where I don’t know anyone – still would avoid this at all costs.
• driving – work in progress
• parking – I just can’t get my head round the dynamics of parallel parking
• holding tiny babies – I held my baby neice Leah recently and she didn’t break!
• preaching without a script – work in progress
• horror films – steer clear of the gore or watch on fast forward!
• praying for someone in a ministry situation – absolutley love it now – though need to get even more in tune with the Spirit

Most of those boil down to a fear of two things – rejection or failure… And you’d think I’d be used to those two by now as I’ve experienced both a few times.

I don’t know why I am so fearful…the boy has made it his mission to not let me back down from anything out of fear and that’s been a brilliant challenge. Each time we back away from a scary thing – we give fear permission to stay and grow and each time we confront it – it dies a little.

Apparently the bible has enough ‘fear nots’ for every day of the year….I’ll claim one for everyday Father…till there’s nothing left to frighten me.

Here’s a link to a fab song http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=120781688 (Never Let Go)

which talks about fear…and contains the fabulous lines:

I will fear no evil, for my God is with me, and if my God is with me,

Whom then shall I fear?

May you be courageous in all you do today!

So… after having a little thought that wafted through my head that could have been God – I talked to 3 Marks and a Lisa about the thought and they have encouraged me to take it on board…

which is kind of annoying because it was one of those God thoughts that sound all faith filled and courageous but actually scare the s**t out of you when you follow through…

I am preaching on Sunday and since I started preaching in 2004…I have always scripted my sermons – word for word. Maybe this is cuz I love to write and feel I express myself more eloquently on the page. You have time to refine and think through what you want to say till it’s polished and shiny! The downside of course is feeling like you’re tied to notes when it comes to delivery. I always think people who don’t need to look at their notes much look more confident when they’re talking.

The boy (as I will refer to the husband from now on – I just know too many Marks!) has always said that his favourite bits of my sermons are when I add in a bit that’s not scripted and I speak from the gut – not just from the page, and has been challenging me recently. So when the boss asked me to talk this weekend on what God’s been teaching me lately – I thought – as an extended testimony and not just en expository sermon – it would be a good one to try and give the script a break – and do it from notes.

Aggghhhhh! The thought scares me….a LOT!

I have done my ‘bullet points’ and they’re extended bullet points that take four pages…. ooops. But In my defense I do have some quotes in there that need to be word for word…

I will be totally dependant on God for my mind not to go a complete blank when I’m up there. What if my 20 min sermon ends up being 10 because I can’t remember the detail I wanted to add?

What if it’s not God challening me to surrender control – and it was just me and I sink?

Then I spot a verse from the psalm I’m talking on – ‘Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy no shadow of shame will darken their faces.’ Psalm 34:5

OK Big Guy….I trust you.

Completely.

Bring it on!!

Car loan applications, insurance quotes, auto trader searching…. Buying a car is lots of hard work innit? I have learnt tons about APRs, good mileage, the difference between a Polo and a Golf (well nearly!)  and what my job title should be.

Mark and I have never had our own cars before and now we are Mr & Mrs and Beverly the MX 5 is getting more and more expensive to run with the rising petrol prices – we are on the hunt for an economical family car to get us through the next 5-8 years. Top runners at the mo are diesal Golfs and Seat Leons…. We want to have said car by New Wine – which gives us three weeks to sort this all out AND get ready for New Wine with all the camping equipment we need to get!

I am bored with all the research now and want to get on with making the final decisions. Too many things are whizzing through my head at the mo.

On the plus side – we just booked for two nights in a hotel for my dad’s 70th – first night is a treat from my dad – what a star! Means we have to leave New Wine on the Friday afternoon though which is sad – but as the ever wise husband pointed out – there will be plenty more New Wines and not plenty more 70ths!! Am actually really looking forward to it – having some extended time with extended family should be great – and they’ll all get to know Mark better and we’ll stamp our mark as the Robinsons!!!

So now just have to wait to hear about loan for car……..tum di tum di tum…..sigh…..