Mrs. Robinson’s Blog

So…I have embraced autumn and dyed my hair red. Really red. The highlights from the wedding were fading fast and I wanted to have knock out hair for Mark’s birthday this week – so last night we sat and played hairdresser in the living room. Mark did the back roots for me and I think secretly enjoyed it when he got going!!

Hopefully by the party on Saturday after a couple of washes it will look even better than it does now. It’s a fairly drastic change and my brain is taking a while to get used to much darker hair.

I was going for hair a la Pheonix from X men 3 ( see above!)

Disappointment of the week is that I was hoping to wear my green corset to the party to fully sass up the hair and when trying it on last night realised that a combination of the wrong time of the month and married bliss means – there’s no way I’m wearing that corset and breathing…grrrr. Have to rethink outfit and try to lift myself out of the pit of ‘I’m fat’ despair. UPDATE: the joys of drinking more water and getting rid of yucky retention means that the corset did get to come and play at Mark’s birthday – hurrah!

Here it is….the Pheonix inspired hair….let’s just I hope I don’t go crazy and try to disintegrate the world…

This is one of Mark’s friends Andrew Mann back in Dublin and last night we were listening to some of his music when this came on. God used it to breakthrough and remind me how he loves me…I was in bits.

Why do I let it go for so long before I just let him in to whisper ‘you are loved’ to my soul?

Anyway – am posting and hope you hear Him too.

Today my mum phoned and told me that Gina – or Bean Bag as she was also known – had gone rapidly down hill and was expected to be euthanaised at lunchtime.

Gina was 15 – which is a good age for a standard poodle – and Mark and I had spent the last three goodbye snuggles – expecting them to be our last – so it’s no great surprise that she has finally passed on, but still – losing a family pet always leaves a gap.

My parents are goo-ey about their animals and it’s always heartbreaking to see them so upset. Lilly- our other poodle, will miss her terribly too.

We got Gina when I was 17 and she and her sister Rosie saved my parents lives by barking during the night to wkae them up when a fire raged in our home. They were 6 months old then and appeared on the local news as heroines!!

Gina was a hugely affectionate dog and loved nothing better then being the centre of attention and being lavished with love and strokes. She somehow was under the impression that standard poodles are lap dogs and often was to be found lying on top of a seated member of the family. If you stopped stroking her – she would throw a paw until you started again. If she thought she wasn’t being paid enough attention – she would ‘talk’ by making little moans and squeaks.

She was a terribly glamorous dog and knew it. When she was freshly clipped, she looked stunning.

She lost her sister Rosie too soon at aged 3 – but Lilly came along as an adopted little sister and duly settled under Gina’s top dog persona.

Gina loved walks on the beach, chasing squirrels and snuggling on my parents bed.

She will be dearly missed.

So Sunday night saw part 2 of MAke me a Christian and armed with a glass of white and some lovely Oakie girls for company – I bravely ventured on.

This week – we saw the lap dancer girl and her boyfriend challanged to sleep in separate rooms for one night. The cool thing was the girl who came to talk with them was a 27 year old stunningly gorgeous single Christian girl who was a virgin. Finally – a Christian who looks normal and cool and yet lives for Jesus. She giggled and suggested the diversionary tactic of a game of ‘pick up sticks’ when temptation got too much!!

The womanising bloke also met her and she challenged him to some boxing lessons to try and divert all his energy in a more productive way. When she told him she had been cheated on he sensitively asked if it was because she didn’t ‘put out’….nice.

Then they all went on a retreat…and all they really showed of this was a ramble in the fields to collect wild plants to make into soup….hmmm that’s exactly what my Christian walk entails!! There was a sticky moment when loud mouthed athiest respectfully joined the Muslim guy and learned how to pray with him. The first time we’ve seen him quiet and respectful yet! How he can mouth off about how Christians should be burned because they are all about rules and telling you how to live your life…then be all soft about Islam…is beyond me.

One of the best bits was the lesbian girl meeting a Christian who had given up a homosexual lifestyle after meeting Jesus – and it was a stong personal testimony that obviously made her think a bit.

They also did public foot washing on the streets and went to help out in a soup kitchen.

Overall this week was slightly better than last.I still don’t see much of what I know and love about Jesus reflected in this programme and it makes my heart ache to spend time with them and show them who it is I follow. Will be interesting to see how they get on in the last one next week.

I started re-readiong Bill Hybels’ book ‘Courageous Leadership’ yesterday and his vision of the local church and the power of Jesus through Christians to bring transformation reminded me again what it is I signed up for….

What can transform the human heart? This is what Bill writes:

‘I believe that only one power exists on this sorry planet that can do that. It’s the power of the love of Jesus Christ, the love that conquers sin and wipes out shame and heals wounds and reconciles enemies and patches broken dreams and ultimately changes the world, one life at a time.’

That’s what the leaders hoped to convey through their programme…I’m not sure they’ve managed it yet. The challenge is – how can we do it better? In our lives, in our churches?

Channel 4 on Sunday night aired the first of a three part seiries entitled ‘Make me a Christian’. I believe they did ‘Make me a Muslim’ last year.

Basically there are a bunch of vlunteers in various lifestyles and four Christian mentors (2 evangelical preachers, a female liberal C of E vicar and a Catholic priest)  are for three weeks – trying to persuade them to live according to the bible.

It is so hard to represent Christianity on documentaries like this. The editing for a start means you’re never sure what’s been left out and is hapopening behind the scenes. But my first impression of the show is that I am left wanting to sit with some of those guys down the pub and talk to them about the Jesus I know.

The show expects these volunteers to radically change their lifestyles solely on what the bible says – not on an actual encounter with Jesus. They are being taught in a sparse school hall with no atmosphere or hospitality. The lead guy has a flip chart to scribble on – WHY in this day of video presentations and powerpoints?!

The atheist biker had some great questions and thoughts and because he was mouthy – he wasn’t listened to – or at least that is how the programme was editted.

The lap dancer girl with huge dests and self-esteem issues – had all her pagan/occult books taken away – and was told off for seeking solace by sleeping with her boyfriend…it looked in the programme like she had had lots of stuff brought to the surface – but no pastoral care to help…and why was the female vicar not assigned to work with her instead of the going to the womanising guy who had slept with over 150 women.

And the busy family being told to spend time together by reading the bible for 15 minutes…I’ve never seen a family look SO bored.

There’s no need for following Jesus to be like this!!! Why weren’t they given some easier – more seeker friendly kind of bible study to do as a family – or encouraged to eat together at the table at least?

I have no idea what the next two episodes will bring….but looking at the forums on the internet – people are NOT impressed by Christianity at all and think we’re a load of brain washing, narrow minded weirdos….

Sigh…….

I’ll let you know what happens with the next two episodes. If you want to catch it – channel 4 Sunday nights at 7pm…

The last couple of days the boy has been away with work and I have had one evening to myself in the flat and a few hours yesterday in lieu of an evening Oak Tree thing last night.

I spent most of that time in front of the tv channel hopping…..bluergh! Nothing makes me feel so yucky.

Firstly, in my boredom I get hungry and keep nibbling on whatever is in the cupboards….and as we are juct back from holiday that makes some interesting combinations….blueberry stilton on pretzels anyone?!

Secondly, it makes me stop for a few moments on chat shows…I managed to take in a few minutes of Montel, Sally Jesse Raphael, Ricky Lake AND Jeremy Kyle yesterday…. and watched some kids who had been in the Asain Boxing Day Tsunami, couples who snore, loved ones with secrets and rebellious teenage daughters…Then I got sucked into bits of two episodes of my Big Fat Fabulous Wedding…stupidly ones I’d watched before…and felt smug that my wedding hadn’t been so extravagant and expensive and that I wasn’t a spoiled, label obsessed bride….and then felt bad for being so judgemental…

Then I hopped between Neighbours, Cold Case, Dawsons Creek….and by this time my brain was hurting.

I haven’t had a tv vegging time like that for a long time and I can see why! It’s horrible and not relaxing at all! I miss having flat mates to chat to when the boy’s not around.

I need to choose some more energing giving ways to relax whilst waiting for him to come home from work….

reading perhaps or having a bath or chilling out to some worship….anything to keep me away from Hollyoaks!!!!

My boss has said we are to treat August as a month for retreat, refreshing and relaxing so that when we start again in September, we aren’t burned out. So I am to be in the office as little as possible and use the rest of my time praying, reading, pastoral catch ups and the like. I’ll be blogging some of what I learn and read – so that I can show something for my time out of the office!!

I need some real self-control to not let it turn into a faff-fest with more tv vegetation. Otherwise I’ll feel guilty and not come back refreshed at all!!!!

In my pile of books to read so far are:

Is God a Delusion? – Nicky Gumbel answering some fo the Dawkins stuff

Secret Believers – about Muslims coming to Christ by Brother Andrew

Strengthen Yourself in the Lord – Bill Johnson – his teaching has been impacting my life in a big way this year – so am getting as much of it as I can!

The Seven Deadly Sins – Graham Tomlin – I did some research for this book so am enjoying finding my quotes as I read through!

We’ll see how we go!

Firstly – it is official that when our laundry basket is empty and all our clothes are clean – we are two hangers short….It has taken me four and a half months of marriage and an impending holiday to realise this fact.

Secondly, my sister sent me this old pic of my mum and dad this week that she got from an old friend of theirs. It’s my dad’s 70th birthday next week and she is compiling a book for him and this pic is to be included.

Ever since I’ve been thinking loads about my mum. She died when I was just 8 and so whenever I see pics of her – I get quite captivated by her. I think this one has done it more than usual as she was probably about my age or younger.In this picture she looks so very glamorous and beautiful.

All I can remember of her is wierd stuff like that she used to curl up on the sofa to watch Emmerdale Farm (in the days when Emmerdale  had a Farm in the title!) I remember she used to wash my hair in the sink and that she used to tell me stories of Miranda the Mermaid at bath time. I can’t remember her voice, I don’t remember any conversations the two of us ever had.

I often wonder if I’m anything like her – if the two of us would have gotten along – laughed at the same stuff, cried at the same stuff. I pick up little bits from my sister or Shirley (my gorgeous God-given second mum!) but somehow it doesn’t make up for not actually knowing her.

I know she loved Jesus. I know she had a faith she clung to in her illness. She was a Catholic and took communion the night she died, apparently saying ‘there are loads of people worse off than me’ when people asked her how she felt.  Apparently when dad asked me shortly after mum died if I was sad – my little 8 year old self said ‘yes, but I know mum’s at a party in heaven’. I believe that still and look forward to the day when I get to see her and know her – both of us the women we were always created to be.

This is very cool…..

I’ve been doing a bit of fear bashing this week. And it feels good (though my shoulder muscles are feeling the tension a bit today.)

I got through my non scripted sermon fine in the end. Thanks to two gorgeous American girlies for their encouraging comments from across the pond… It felt really good and I had the most positive feedback I’ve had prob since my first ever sermon! God really is so faithful…

Then yesterday I drove our new car from Welwyn to Acton… (for piccie and info on the new addition to the Robinson household check out irishmark.net)

I passed my driving test at 17 and have never owned my own car - so opportunities to practise have been few and far between. Add to that my notoriously bad sense of direction and I’m not the best when it comes to cars. So to drive for an hour or so was a HUGE deal I had been fretting about for a while. The boy was amazing at leading the way in Beverly (Mark’s brother’s MX5) and I made it the whole way home without major incident!

Hopefully I will be able to crush this car fear once and for all now we have a car. I can drive regularly and parallel parking will no longer make me quiver like He Man’s pet tiger before he got zapped ‘by the power of greyskull’…

 Fear sucks…well – unreasonable fear does anyway. It robs so much in time and experience. I’m sick of being scared of stuff. And the only way to get rid of it is to pray and to face it again and again until it becomes normal and not scary anymore…

 Things I have been scared of in my life:

• sharks and swimming in places there might be sharks… cured when snorkelling in Australia
• spiders -erm…still don’t like ‘em
• the dark… at boarding school you don’t ahve a choice
• catching the bus on my own…a few trips to Barnstaple and I was an old pro
• making phone calls to people I don’t know…erm on tired days this one can still bite me in the ass – but I’m hugely better than I was.
• going to networking/work meetings where I don’t know anyone – still would avoid this at all costs.
• driving – work in progress
• parking – I just can’t get my head round the dynamics of parallel parking
• holding tiny babies – I held my baby neice Leah recently and she didn’t break!
• preaching without a script – work in progress
• horror films – steer clear of the gore or watch on fast forward!
• praying for someone in a ministry situation – absolutley love it now – though need to get even more in tune with the Spirit

Most of those boil down to a fear of two things – rejection or failure… And you’d think I’d be used to those two by now as I’ve experienced both a few times.

I don’t know why I am so fearful…the boy has made it his mission to not let me back down from anything out of fear and that’s been a brilliant challenge. Each time we back away from a scary thing – we give fear permission to stay and grow and each time we confront it – it dies a little.

Apparently the bible has enough ‘fear nots’ for every day of the year….I’ll claim one for everyday Father…till there’s nothing left to frighten me.

Here’s a link to a fab song http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=120781688 (Never Let Go)

which talks about fear…and contains the fabulous lines:

I will fear no evil, for my God is with me, and if my God is with me,

Whom then shall I fear?

May you be courageous in all you do today!

So… after having a little thought that wafted through my head that could have been God – I talked to 3 Marks and a Lisa about the thought and they have encouraged me to take it on board…

which is kind of annoying because it was one of those God thoughts that sound all faith filled and courageous but actually scare the s**t out of you when you follow through…

I am preaching on Sunday and since I started preaching in 2004…I have always scripted my sermons – word for word. Maybe this is cuz I love to write and feel I express myself more eloquently on the page. You have time to refine and think through what you want to say till it’s polished and shiny! The downside of course is feeling like you’re tied to notes when it comes to delivery. I always think people who don’t need to look at their notes much look more confident when they’re talking.

The boy (as I will refer to the husband from now on – I just know too many Marks!) has always said that his favourite bits of my sermons are when I add in a bit that’s not scripted and I speak from the gut – not just from the page, and has been challenging me recently. So when the boss asked me to talk this weekend on what God’s been teaching me lately – I thought – as an extended testimony and not just en expository sermon – it would be a good one to try and give the script a break – and do it from notes.

Aggghhhhh! The thought scares me….a LOT!

I have done my ‘bullet points’ and they’re extended bullet points that take four pages…. ooops. But In my defense I do have some quotes in there that need to be word for word…

I will be totally dependant on God for my mind not to go a complete blank when I’m up there. What if my 20 min sermon ends up being 10 because I can’t remember the detail I wanted to add?

What if it’s not God challening me to surrender control – and it was just me and I sink?

Then I spot a verse from the psalm I’m talking on – ‘Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy no shadow of shame will darken their faces.’ Psalm 34:5

OK Big Guy….I trust you.

Completely.

Bring it on!!